Sakura Matsuri

Come –
see real blossoms
of this painful world
            by Basho

I miss the days when suicide was not a normal word. Those days when we daydreamed about the places we would travel, the smiles we would laugh, the freedom we’d reclaim, the success, and joy. Do you remember that sunny day when we drove to the Texan Hill Country? The bluebonnets and wildflower blossoms? What was the colour of the sky?

Under a tree
a hurtful word fades out —
cherry petals colour the sky




_____Adriana Citlali
XXVIII-III-MMXVI

Haibun Monday #10: Hanami | dVerse

Overwhelmed

Just in the last month, Amelia has:
      1) Randomly silenced her phone
      2) Hid five times from her diary
      3) Walked on eggshells around her own thoughts
      4) Slept ten nights with her head under the pillow
      5) Snoozed six rounds for  at least  seven mornings

Amelia is now charged with selfishness
            Oh!    So guilty!     –she accepts.

            Others in pain     –she feels.
Those weeks that might be minutes
the sorrow     the fight of the peaceful
the corrosion of cancer   in a loving body

Amelia now stares at life as it is:
__ OVERWHELMED __
             How easy is to believe,
             bias what we see,
             justify self-pity.

Amelia lies on the sofa & cries

A tear of stillness falls steadily
while more tears follow:
      1) Ten for not acting
      2) Five for delayed reactions
      3) A dozen for not showing care

Amelia is not proud!

She                           now
      feels like hiding
                                        again

            Oh, but I won’t!     –she dares.
            Not anymore!




_____Adriana Citlali
XVIII-IX-MMXV

Source: Open Link Night | dVerse

Amelia thanks joy — Amelia thanks depression

Amelia contemplated the layers of a day to be thankful.
Joy,      she thanked:

Today I thought of you            maybe
I longed the idea of you         certainly

I missed a smile that  once  made me believe in eternity
that messy hair and the way we laughed at jokes no one else understood
the intimacy
           the transparency we allowed in each others eyes

Today I thought of you            maybe
I thanked the idea of you         certainly


Amelia’s hands are cold. The clouds are low, the snow is wet.
Depression,      she thanked:

Today I longed a memory of you         but not the darkness
I missed the stereo                               not the eggshell carpet
neither the sadness nor the distance
      of those slow days when I felt scared
I don’t miss how the brightness in your irides dimmed
or how that foggy shadow covered it all          us all

Today I forgive the shadow         the fog and your pain
I thank the struggle                        though I can’t forget


In a world of contrasts, Amelia knows tears as an extension of laughter.
Amelia thanks depression.     Amelia thanks joy.




_____Adriana Citlali
XXVIII-XI-MMXIV


Meeting The Bar: Thanksgiving Turkey with a side of Poetry | dVerse.



A passing shadow

You live in a lethargic beat   
devoid of feelings   

By command of a depressed mind   
your emotions are suppressed   
      smashed with anger   
masked by silent indifference   

Dinner comes again   
you mutter sparse words
forced monosyllables
No eye contact

She walks on eggshells
     seats next to you

Trying to reach beneath the mask
she sets to  disturb  the silence
     offers a smile

You utter no words

      The  mask  of  depression
grows like a shadow in a long winter
      darkness touches her too
      drains her spirit
      makes her sad
      sometimes angry

She leaves the kitchen

You stay

_____Adriana Citlali
XIX-X-MMXIII